Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Motherfucking lockdown!

April 25, 2020

In a way I was made for a lockdown – I’m chubby so I can last ages even if there is a food shortage, I work from home and really enjoy my own company.  I can keep myself entertained for endless hours without getting bored and can keep myself in some kind of routine and […]

10 ways to make money and f?@k with capitalism at the same time

November 7, 2019

Apparently, the recession is over and we’re all supposed to be temporarily ok?  Well at least for the moment, right?  And it’s not like rent is super expensive either so we should be OK!  Capitalism totally works – sure work is there for everyone who needs it. (In case you didn’t notice that was sarcasm […]

21 Lies I Tell Myself To Keep Functioning

October 21, 2019

Ah the ups and downs of life, wha?  One day you’ve talked yourself into thinking you’re doing OK and that you’re happy and doing stuff and then BOOM!  Before you know it your stomach is in perpetual knots, you’re sleeping in all your clothes and just waiting for the BIG BAD to happen.  Maybe you […]

I got 99 problems…

September 17, 2019

But a bitch ain’t one. In fact, here are my problems, in no particular order. 1. The lyrics of Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me. 2. The Curiosity Rover singing to itself and being left there. 😢 3. Michael McIntyre 4. Getting enough fiber. 5. The part in Terminator 2 where yer man licks Sarah Connor’s face. […]

Birthday questions

April 15, 2019

I got all deep the other day when I considered my 37 years on the planet and decided to answer some of the AMA questions that I had received over the last few months.  It’s not that thought provoking and totally self-indulgent but sure, it’s keeping me writing wha? What’s the difference between beauty and […]

Unpopular opinions/facts

February 24, 2019

1: Not every woman cares about muscles or money. 2: Revealing clothes are not an invitation. 3: Pineapple does not belong on a pizza. 4: Good riding can keep a shit relationship going. 5: Most people are dickheads. 6: The most basic opinions are black and white (in most cases) and the lack of nuance […]

How to spot a bundle of red flags dressed up in human skin

January 29, 2019

  People are jerks and I’m a defensive bastard but with good reason.  I wish I’d know sooner that I was a naive dope though.  You know when you have a feeling in the pit of your stomach and you can’t tell if you’re crazy or whether you should go with it or not?  Imagine […]

How to stop feeling like shit because you’re a worthless ugly woman

January 14, 2019

We all know that our looks are where most of our worth comes from right? And maybe recently you’ve just come to the conclusion that you mightn’t be even average looking because somebody told you that you were an ugly bitch. Look, it’s not your fault OK? You were born with deficient genes and that […]

25 ways to definitely pull women since everything has been ruined for men

January 11, 2019

Sure ya can’t even look at women now, can ya? All this #metoo stuff has gone too far and sure now ya can’t even approach a woman. Well I’m here to offer some helpful advice – advice that I feel I can freely offer as a woman and a woman who likes men and women. […]

I gets the anger over these

November 14, 2018

Here’s a list of things that make me super cranky – both rational and irrational – well – just because I have a few minutes to kill.  So maybe don’t do these things – cos they make me hulk out. 1:  Having to clean adult wee from a toilet seat so I can use it.  […]