Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

21 Lies I Tell Myself To Keep Functioning


Ah the ups and downs of life, wha?  One day you’ve talked yourself into thinking you’re doing OK and that you’re happy and doing stuff and then BOOM!  Before you know it your stomach is in perpetual knots, you’re sleeping in all your clothes and just waiting for the BIG BAD to happen.  Maybe you can’t breath any more.  Maybe you stare into space for ages completely zoning out.  Perhaps, you even start to get a bit cranky with people for being assholes but you didn’t notice so much when you weren’t like this.  Maybe, you’re even re-evaluating all the different components of your life and feeling like it’s a massive overwhelming shambles.

What caused this?  What triggered this whole thing?  Because wasn’t everything fine? Did somebody let you down?  Did something not go the way you expected and the rug was pulled out from under you?  Did you disappoint someone?  How the fuck did this flip?  You were only congratulating yourself the other week on all the progress you’ve made.  Fucking hell, dude.  Get a fucking grip.

Don’t worry!  This isn’t super cereal like.  This is just a blip.

So here are some lies I tell myself to keep myself going (and not fucking shut down, make rash decisions or decide to move across the fucking country) whilst I try to figure out what the fuck happened and why I’m not myself.

1:  I can do that later.  (I probably won’t)

2:  Just one more drink.  (Hahahahahaha)

3:  I don’t think I’ve pissed them off.

4:  That washing can wait.  (I’ve already run out of knickers).

5:  I am happy about xxx.  (When I don’t actually know how I feel).

6:  I can think about it for a while before I make a decision.  (I usually can’t)

7:  This won’t hurt.

8:  It’s OK to not know what’s going to happen. (Some stability is always nice though, but I hate not knowing where I am with things)

9:  I don’t need people.

10: I am a grown-up. (Do I need a carer though?)

11: I am a badass. (Well… I project that)

12: I can do this. (Possibly)

13: I am not hard on myself.

14: I don’t need a shower today. (Oh man, what a lie)

15: Slimfast milkshakes/crackers are proper meals.

16: Pints count as at least one of your five a day.

17: People are OK.

18: I am not confused

19: I am good at things.

20: I don’t need sleep.

21: I am sure of myself.  ( This is very rarely true unless I’m debating something)

22: I am not hard work.

23: I will answer that private number.

24: Breathing is easy.

25: Nobody is taking the piss out of you.


Repeat each 12 times per day until eventually you start to believe them without becoming self aware enough to sort out your boxes and figure out exactly where that fucking starting point is 🙂

Lather, rinse, repeat.



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