Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

45 minute poop



‘I’ll get you the money’ he said nonchalantly.

She looked at him sideways and smirked.  How did this happen exactly?  She just felt awkward.  Yet she was intrigued.  Why did he come over? 

‘Would it not just be easier to push me down the stairs?’ she replied, cocking an eyebrow but not making full eye contact. ‘I mean it would save you at least a grand.’

She could feel his eyes on the side of her face but she couldn’t turn to face him completely.  She attempted to look straight ahead but her eyes kept getting drawn back.

‘I don’t know if I could actually do that though… I mean what if you got hurt?’ he replied and she could feel him smile.

Against her better judgement she could feel herself smile too.  She shouldn’t have made eye contact earlier.  This was stupid and pointless.  Her eyes had accidentally met his from across the room at the party for just a millisecond too long and before she knew it he was sitting beside her on the sofa.  She had immediately bowed her head away from him but it was already too late.

Where was Joe?  Where did he go?  Why did he leave her here on her own?  She scanned the room looking for her friend.  One of the few people she knew here.

‘So you’re saying that you have enough money to send me to England?’ she smirked and looked down into her lap at her stiff hands.

This crudely constructed fake abortion scenario was amusing her, there was no denying that.  He seemed like a genuinely interesting person and whatever was going on was far from clichéd.  She just felt ridiculously unsettled.  Her eyes flicked around the room looking for Joe.

‘Oh I would properly sort you out.  I mean it would be the least I could do’ he said.  He must’ve realised the double entendre in what he was saying as a subtle smile spread across his lips.

Why did Joe ask her to come to the party if he was going to just ditch her for a piece of skirt?  She wasn’t as great a mixer as everyone seemed to think she was.  She was pretty content sitting on the sofa in silence.  The music was decent though…whoever’s house it was.  A muffled ambient bass that provided a useful soundtrack for people watching.  A comfy seat to sit and judge from.  A bag of cans to distract her from thinking about….

‘How old are you?’ he asked quietly.

She turned to face him suddenly, a knee jerk reaction to the very brazen question.  Immediately she regretted it.

‘How old do I look?’ she asked, but realised it looked like she actually gave a crap.

He had a very pleasant face, it had to be said.  Big brown eyes, big brown hair and surprisingly nice eyebrows.  He was very drunk but had a smug and slightly entertained look on his face.  When she looked at him he completely locked onto her eyes.  She felt her cheeks redden.  What was he doing?  She just couldn’t work it out and she definitely didn’t want to assume anything.  I mean why would she in the first place?  She was just here being herself and that in itself was proving to be so much effort at the moment.  Not that the conversation was uninteresting but it was more that she didn’t know what to do or how to react.

‘All I know is you’re fun’ he said shrugging.

Just then she noticed Joe in a group of people, talking absently but his eyes fixated on her.  She raised a can at him to acknowledge him.  His face twisted a little and he turned back to talking to the others again.  At least he was accounted for.

‘I’m 28’ he said suddenly noticing her attention was slightly pulled away from him.

He smelled like smoke and a thin veil of cheap deodorant covering stale sweat.  There was something comforting about it.  She let it fill her nostrils.

‘Well I’m older than…’ she trailed and looked down at her hands again.

She must have been on her fourth can.  Two more and her resolve would weaken somewhat. She’d start talking too much and then walk herself into something that she would probably regret.  She could have told him to go away.  She could have stood up and gone over to Joe, who she still noticed was watching her like a hawk whilst trying to appear that he wasn’t.  But she didn’t.

The guy kept talking and she felt herself listening and contributing though.  It wasn’t as much effort as she was accustomed to.  She let him lead the conversation and as her cans depleted she felt it evolve from awkwardness to proper banter.  It seemed more organic.  She was still wary and kept her eyes away from his face as much as she could.  He seemed to read a lot.  He knew a lot about music.  He had a similar dark sense of humour.  Should she let herself enjoy this?  It didn’t have to mean anything, did it?  It was just two people having an enjoyable and playful chat.  Not everything has to end in sex, does it?  They could be the best of friends.  I mean, what were the chances of meeting somebody that didn’t bore her within five minutes?

‘I have to pee’ she said suddenly and grabbed her bag of cans.

As she stood she looked down at him.  He smiled.

‘I’ll wait here’ he said cheekily.

‘You can if you want’ she retorted.

She turned on her heals and walked off.

‘YOU’RE FUN!’ he shouted after her and she was thankful that her back was to him because she didn’t know how to react.

As she navigated through the obstacle course of the house she came across Joe standing on his own in the hall.

‘Who’s that guy?’ he asked looking out the door in the direction of where she had been sitting.

‘Just some guy, I dunno’ she shrugged.

She never went back though.  In fact she left shortly afterwards.  It was too much effort.

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