Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

The other day I think I may have complimented someone, as I have been known to do, and a thought occurred to me – I judge people on how they react to them.  I guess the context of each situation is different but perhaps my perception of cockiness is simply a reflection of my own insecurities. Seriously though, have you ever said something nice to someone and they just say ‘thank you’ and think ‘oh my God you fucking asshole!’?  Maybe that’s me.  Maybe that’s an Irish thing – the begrudging attitude towards those that are more confident and a lack of belief in yourself.

It’s a tough one as well because what is an appropriate response to praise?  Fucked if I know!  Even though my reactions are always completely genuine, if not extremely awkward (I’d rather these situations never really arose to be honest), it is really difficult to not make things seem really contrived.  Fake modesty is also annoying, or what could come across pretending to be humble, but what if it’s serious?  Personally I think telling someone to ‘shut up’ or ‘fuck off’ whilst laughing on the verge of hysteria works well.  Either that, or a simple ‘no, you’re wrong.’  This can probably come across like you’re fishing for compliments, and want to someone to fight you on it, particularly when it’s been prefaced by some (genuine) negative remark.  But seriously self-deprecation is way more attractive in a person than over confidence, isn’t it?  I’m comfortable with my mundane averageness.  If I get one, when drunk, all I hear is white noise.

I don’t know why other people being confident, or more in my mind overly confident, pisses me off so much.  Is it because it seems to me that other people’s views of themselves are skewed?  Is it because they are happy with themselves but still can’t feel any better about me.  Maybe I think I’m a better judge.  Maybe I think I’m more realistic.  Maybe I think that other people should be modest, or aim low, because we’re not really all that different.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, getting a compliment can be pleasant, but it shouldn’t be a defining thing that somebody craves but it shouldn’t be something that appears to have no effect either.  It should be taken with a pinch of salt.  There should be humbleness.

I was asked by a professional person a while ago to make a list of things that I thought I was good at.   Honestly, I couldn’t think of much and said ‘fuck that’.  I mean I’m OK at writing and I know I’m not stupid but I had to think for ages and still couldn’t come up with anything.   Well I got to thinking the last few days and these are some things that I know I am good at.  They are pointless things, or even things that I shouldn’t be proud of, but I am good at them nonetheless.

Making the noise of a miniature car/chainsaw. Making horrible dancing faces. Snoring.Drinking a lot of alcohol.  Being loud when drunk. Cutting other people’s hair. Making myself laugh. Sitting completely still.  Thinking about things until they don’t make any sense. Living off little to no money every week. Staying in contact with people. Keeping busy. Being on my own. Painting my nails.  Eating cake.  Compartmentalising.  Procrastinating. Double entendres. Saying ‘boom.’ Squeezing spots. Giving hugs. Being the big spoon. Making lists.

None of these are vital transferable life skills.  There really is no point to them but I can do them and do them well I do.  If I said this about ‘normal’ or ‘useful’ things I’d be perceived as cocky, which couldn’t be further from the truth.  However, I don’t believe those things and never really will but that’s OK.  I embrace it.

This blog in itself isn’t even me being all ‘oh look at me – boo fucking hoo!’  This is me accepting the fact that I am average.  I think everyone should just think about that when they take a compliment.  Do you need affirmation?  Do you have a void that needs to be filled with what other people think?  There will always be someone better than you at anything you consider yourself skilled at.  There will always be someone better looking (unless you’re Christina Hendricks – nobody’s better looking than her), smarter, cooler or better dressed.  We may not all be on a par but we’re  all pretty much of a muchness.  In other words, if you start to run away with yourself, you’ll start to forget that and just come across as a dick who eventually will have lost touch with reality.

That doesn’t mean I won’t say ‘thanks’ when you compliment my dress but it will be followed by the disclaimer that ‘I bought it in Penneys for a fiver.’