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Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

The Most Difficult Thing I’ve Ever Written

It has occurred to me that I should possibly present some things that I actually like to show  that I’m not a completely angry person.  In fact, I’m quite reasonable.  The other day I started to compile a list of things that I actually like.  It was hard, even harder still to find things that involved someone else.  It seems that most of the things I like involve eating, being on my own or watching something happen.  I still have to think more about this but I could only come up with roughly 20 things I liked whilst the list of things that make me angry is over 100 long.  Anyway, here is a list of things that give me great enjoyment or pleasure with some elaboration.

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1 Being angry

If I wasn’t angry about things I’d be boring.  FACT.  If I didn’t recognise how annoying certain rules/people/places and things are I wouldn’t be me and I’d be friends with everyone.  FACT.  Constantly wanting to change and avoid things is a good way to realise that you’re not in a fucking coma.

2 Seahorses

They are just cool and amazing animals.  They really are.  That is all.

3 Robots

They are often portrayed as nearly but not quite human and often display more humanity than anything else.  Robots all make me cry.  I’d love a robot. I’d treat it really well and wouldn’t abuse its loyalty.  I cried when Data died in Nemesis and couldn’t see for a few days after The Iron Giant. Don’t even get me started on any of the Short Circuits or Batteries Not Included.  Obviously SKYNET is just a wanker though.

4 Cherries and cherry flavoured things.

Nom.  Just nom.

5 Spooning

Now this is one of the only things on this list that actually needs another person.  I find it highly enjoyable though and have been known to break down pillow barriers that friends have set up and forcibly spoon them during the night.  Yes, that’s right you can forcibly spoon someone.

6 The sound of tennis balls hitting a tennis court.

I can’t really describe why I find this so pleasurable.  I just do.  It’s really lovely though.  Like a nice soft popping sound.

7 The sound of Carol Voerderman’s marker on the white board on Countdown…

This came from my friend Rena but she is spot on.  It’s crazily satisfying.  You could I think alternate this with Rolf Harris drawing shit though and you get the same effect.

8 Making lists

I obviously have nothing better to do with my time than make self indulgent lists.  So what?  If you’ve even read this far I’ve won.  When I make lists I feel temporarily like I am in control of my life. Like I can see the solid and tangible effects of what I have done or intend to do.  I never look at them again afterwards though.

9 Head Massages

OK so this one needs another person to but that could be a hairdresser.  I could be in the worst mood ever and giving out but the minute my head gets massaged in a particular way I nearly go floppy.  Hairdressers are usually the best at this… not that I go that much and I have been known to tip a tenner based purely on how they wash my scalp.  I’m not even sure if it’s a sexual thing but I cannot accurately describe how nice I find it.

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10 Getting hand written letters

This is something more that I miss more than anything else.  Nobody sends these anymore.  It makes me sad.  It shows someone put a lot of effort into things.  There’s something so personal and intimate about it, especially considering now the only letters I get are bills and warning letters.

11 Hearing my child use words like ‘compensate’ or ‘sarcasm’ in the correct context.

That just makes me proud.  I don’t think I was that articulate at nine.

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12 Don Conroy

He’s just amazing.  He draws stuff and is a cutesy little old man.  He likes nature.

13  Dancing and singing on my own.

Nobody can witness the horror but I can still enjoy myself, sliding around on my kitchen floor in just a tshirt and socks like in Risky Business.  I don’t even have to have music playing.

14 Drawing.

Not something that I do as much as I used to but something that I used to constantly do.  At one point I know I wanted to go to art college but I wasn’t allowed so I pretty much stopped.

15 Reading

I like reading.  Thing is I like it so much that if I decide to read something I will physically stay in the same position of up to 6 hours.  I won’t eat or anything.  That’s probably not good.

16 People watching

This doesn’t involve actual interaction but it is pretty cool.  If anything you can approach it in an extremely judgemental way.  I like watching other parents being crap (not mean parents, I mean stupid permissive parents) or a couple fighting or trying to establish the  brain limitations of the two fools beside me on the bus.

17 Beards and facial hair.

I love beards.  I just love them.  Nothing does it for me as much as a nice beard.  It’s never been a prerequisite but ever since I was small and realised that Tom Selleck was hot I knew facial hair was for something that I am attracted to.  Because it’s ‘manly’.

18 When Bosco went into his house

Do you remember that?  That made me so fucking excited.  It was cool though wasn’t it?

19 When I understand an abstract concept.

This happens from time to time.  It makes me go ‘Bazinga’.  See my attention span is really really short and even if I understand a complex theory whether or not I can engage with it or remember it again in the near future is a completely different story.

20 Halloween

Best holiday of the year.  When else do you actively have an excuse to dress up?

21 Low brow art

I bought a book called Weirdo Noir about a year ago and since then have actively found art that I like nearly every day. One day I’ll buy some pictures of slightly deformed teddies and children with skulls for faces.

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See I’m not completely negative but I think I will continue in my negative vein from now on.  That kinda hurt my head.  Don’t make me do that again.

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