Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

If you died what would your instructions be?

Rena, clear out the middle drawer in my bedroom before anyone can see and scream at my body in the church saying that bit out of My Girl ‘She can’t see without her glasses!’ Also, put googley eyes on my body in the coffin.

“What is the nature of God, is God really dead or just sleeping?” (and yes, I realize that is really 3 questions, but I figured the Trinity model was most apt)

I’d say I’m agnostic but that’s possibly more hopeful than anything. So, honestly, I think I am going to answer all three questions like this:

God is a social construct to make us feel like we have order in our lives. That’s fine if it gives you a moral compass or whatever or some way of sorting out the way that life is unfair but I don’t believe in things that project some kind of reward and punishment in the chaos of real life. Like the universe does not restore itself. God isn’t asleep, dead or ignoring us – he’s not there. I think it is a bit dangerous to think that the order is maintained on a moral level in the universe – just look at animals like. As much as I would like to believe in a cosmic being looking after us it really isn’t a thing, because all the bastards get to keep being bastards and nothing happens. The universe just is – it doesn’t have morals and ‘karma’ is a stupid concept too created in order to make us feel like there will be justice.

Why have people allowed let social media give them a self-entitlement? It has made the vast majority of society obnoxious. It was meant to be social.

Because social media allows everyone to hide and/or say shit that they wouldn’t in person. Assholes can feel brave or people don’t think through the repercussions of what they say. And people can pick holes with every single little thing that people say and get overblown angry about it. I think it might be calming down a little though – or maybe that’s just my experience now because not many people that I’m friends with seem to be fighting anymore. I keep away from comment sections and unless someone brings it to my door I don’t go looking for fights.

There is no point talking about things being ‘too PC’ or ‘stop being offended’ because when people start saying that shit I start to think that they’re a dick. Maybe people shouldn’t be dicks BUT I think a lot of people need to grow thicker skins too and choose their battles. Not everything has to be a massive issue. We need to all toughen up because we can’t change society. People are inherently dicks so just be prepared for that.

Do you hate men?

No. I like men. I’m wary of men. I’m aware that not all men are pricks but I’m also aware that life for a man is very different than it is for a woman. I’m not an angry feminist but I’ll point out your shit and I’m aware that there are different factors involved than just gender. Hate is a very strong word anyway.

Watching small children eat makes me dry-heave and I have to leave the room. Apparently (source-my mother) thinks this is weird and unnatural. I disagree.

Specifically small children? It doesn’t extend to adults? If it was everyone I guess it would make sense. If it’s also purely a noise thing you could have ‘misophonia’, where you can get super distressed from it. I guess children eating are super messy and whilst it may not be usual, it makes sense. As long as you don’t puke on them it’s fine.

Introvert or extrovert?

I think I’m more of an introvert, with some extrovert parts. I like my own company an awful lot to be honest and silence/music of my choosing makes me very content. I prefer small groups of people and smoking areas than big parties or dance floors and although I am relatively confident I’m quite shy unless I’m drunk.

What gives you the horn?

Music. Beards. Ginger girls. People with nice shaped hands. Good chats. Nice kissing. Biting.

Without going into too much detail I got bored of porn a long time ago but I like erotic fiction.

Who’s the sexiest of all fictional extraterrestrials?

E.T.?! With that glowy finger. Crazy foreplay sessions.

Where do you feel you are politically?

I’m a leftie. Clearly, but I think the left has kinda gone a bit awry getting hung up on semantics, calling people out unfairly and alienating people that could potentially be our allies/converts. I think Ireland has a good mix of socialism and capitalism but could do better and perhaps place more of an emphasis on the socialism aspect and less on looking after the already rich. A combination of both models to look after everyone and encourage growth would be ideal in my mind. But hey, what do I know? I’m not an economist. Nobody should be left behind though.
Do you think Leo Varadkar abuses himself with a Maggie Thatcher sex toy? Because imo he already has enough of that evil cow inside him as it is.

Probably. He’s a total fool that appears to be liberal but clearly isn’t. Going after social welfare fraud but not bankers, landlords and builders, who have cost this country more is just misdirecting anger towards people who can’t defend themselves.

I would suspect that his dildo may be more Maggie Thatcher influenced in shape than her actual shape though as the head would be a problematic shape for entering the anus without a serious amount of bum training and lube.

Try reading this: http://www.yellowrobe.com/component/content/article/120-majjhima-nikaya/286-channovda-sutta-advice-to-channa.html. I’d like to know what you think.

Is this about euthanasia (don’t know if I spelt that right?)? Or at least the idea that you can choose to die? Everyone should have that choice if (and when) things get too much for them when they’re seriously unwell.

What are your plans for the future?

I am planning on releasing a sequel to Fahckmylife later this year but I’ll possibly have to start a Fundit again to try and get it to a bigger audience. I’m also toying with the idea of a book or short stories and possibly another of filth fiction under a pen name (but this seems a bit daunting).

If you mean more in general, I’m not sure.  Something, something robots…

Give me an analysis on the fuckability of people with awful politics, I am sure you could say something about that.

I guess it depends on what constitutes bad politics and what you’re looking for from them. If it’s just a ride whatever like, although that rules it out going much deeper. If I thought someone was cool and their worldview ended up very different to mine, which I’ve noticed has happened, it’s disappointing and will probably end badly. That said how deep are you going to go with someone prior to a ride? I’m not going to talk to them about abortion or whatever beforehand. If it was more in relationship way they probably would have to have a similar (not completely the same mind you) mindset to mine for it to work.

What about Dirty Harry’s fucking paperwork?

He played by his own rules. Also, I doubt he’d be able to see without his glasses – you see how much he squints? And Dirty Harry with glasses doing paperwork just wouldn’t have the same impact.

What’s your biggest regret?

Not valuing myself enough to get out of certain situations sooner and letting people tell me who I am which ruined my confidence and ability to make decisions. Also starting to smoke.
Is there any way we could see the report that TV cops have to file after one of their arrests?? I’d like to see them.

Now I’m a bit unsure about this. I think if they were genuine arrests on reality TV you can probably find some information online but I doubt actual evidence would be made public, particularly during a trial and stuff.

What’s your longest ‘dry spell’ been?

OK, this might sound like a mega conceited answer but I have never had a ‘dry spell’ that I didn’t deliberately decide to do in order to focus on other things. I’m not sure how long that was to be honest, like maybe a month or something. I’m not saying I’m cool or anything, but I like to have fun. Personally, I can’t let stuff like that build up.

What are your new year resolutions for 2018?

I don’t do these but generally, I am going to:

Trust my gut instinct about things more.

Be more focused on improving myself.

Be kinder but more assertive.

Be more motivated.
What have you learned in the last year about yourself?

That my time is precious and not to waste it on fools.

Walk away from drama

Also, be wary as fuck of people – so I’m way more guarded than I used to be.

Life advice for women?

Do kegels like your life depended on it.