Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

So as I hopefully smoke the last of my cigarettes I am going to write another self indulgent list of things that I have learned in 2013 in the hopes that 2014 will be better.

 

1. My parents are cool.  I never thought they were before but they are.  I have grown to respect them and actually enjoy their company now.

 

2. That I am a pretty decent human being and that I should only surround myself with people that appreciate this.  I should’ve realised this years ago.  Everyone that I care about is important to me and goes through a stringent vetting process.  Obviously everyone isn’t a fixture and things can change but all my closest friends are deadly, caring and appreciative people.  I find it difficult to trust people generally, although I’m quite open, so this takes time.

 

 

3. That it’s OK to talk about my feelings.  Unfortunately I am still working on this but at least I know I have the option of not bottling shit up.  

 

 

4. That I don’t lack confidence like I thought I did.  I have only come to the realisation in the last year that I am reasonably clever and although not hot interesting enough to maintain someone’s interest.  That could be my tits though, although I never really have them out.

 

 

5. That there is no such a thing as an anti-gravity room.  MIND BLOWN.

 

6. That I like when people surprise me.  When people do things out of the ordinary, or act differently than I expect (obviously in a good way) this pleases me.

 

 

7. That whilst I don’t crave validation, a little goes a long way.

 

8. That I really like buying dresses.

 

 

9. That if someone really wants to be in your life they will.  This has become more apparent in the last year than at any other time of my life.

 

10. That I’m not as sensitive as I thought I was.  I’m way more hardcore and have way less feelings that I try to pretend that I don’t have.

 

 

11. That I should trust my instincts more because 95% of the time they are right.

 

12. I am an internet sleuth/stalker.  I know we probably all are but I just want to acknowledge it.  I can find anyone I need to on the internet – even if they’ve blocked me on Facebook.  I never know what this will accomplish but do any of us?  The stalking thing made me realise that it’s easier to get obsessed with the idea of someone as opposed to the reality. 

 

13. That I like looking after people.  Well, I kinda knew that anyway but if you’re sad, sick, upset or whatever I like extending my maternal instincts to grown-ups – in a non patronising way of course.  Obviously I’m not your teacher though.  Unless I’m actually teaching you, you can go fuck yourself.

 

14. Misogyny is alive and well.  Upsetting and unsettling, but true.  Especially when you hear people you thought were clever saying stupid things that they think that they’ve thought through.

 

15. Luck can go fuck itself.  The only things that work out for me are things that are things that I have a certain element of control in.  I mean obviously I’d like to win the lotto or something but considering that I don’t even play it the odds are stacked against me. 

 

16. I can’t make time for everyone.  I still try to but I’ve come to realisation that this is no longer a priority depending on the situation.

 

17. That I really love salad.  After Christmas I had a salad and I laughed like all those crazy women eating salads.  Why?  Because I had been eating pure crap and really wanted to eat healthy stuff.

 

18. The ‘inner sex’ is a real thing.  Physical appearances are kind of irrelevant when compared with people being clever, amusing and fun and make them way more attractive than a simply aesthetically attractive person.  I’m probably just trying to convince myself of that anyway.

 

19. I need more sleep.

 

20. That the phrase is ‘intents and purposes’ – not ‘intensive purposes’ like I had always thought.

 

21. Actions speak louder than words.

 

22. I really really value 100% honesty in people even if it is at the expense of my feelings or acknowledging an elephant in the room.

 

23. That although I am a very messy person I am quite organised and can multitask like a crazy person.

 

24. That I need to get up off my arse and do the things that I know that I can.

 

25. That 2014 will be a really stressful year for me but that I need to keep my head screwed on.