Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

These two lists caught my eye and I’ve been thinking about it ever since…

1. http://tweekerchick.blogspot.com/2006/11/so.html

and

2. http://www.v7n.com/forums/forum-lobby/41941-50-mistakes-guys-make-bed.html

There’s a few things that I want to say here. Firstly, why in the name of Sweet Baby Jebus do these lists exist at all?!! Is it really necessary to generalise and divide people down the lines based on their gender? These lists (and the women’s quibble list was written by a male therapist) are kind of pointless but it doesn’t end there! Who wrote these? Were they annoyed at being crap in bed or not getting what they want?

My main problems with the lists can be broken down to the following. The first list, the one aimed at advising women how to keep their men happy really bugged me. Maybe it’s because I have a vagina. For starters some was common sense. On the whole though it made a lot of stupid assumptions about women, romance and sex. The tone of the entire thing was very aggressive, as if the person writing it believed that this was a woman’s duty and obligation, citing aversion to complying with your man as a ‘feminist’ attitude:

’Withholding oral sex just because you’re ragging. He didn’t do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he’s hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads’

It was filled with hypocrisies and generally quite insulting, saying that despite a girl saying ‘no’ to anal, if she laughed, basically a guy has the right to still try and stick it up her arse.

Also:

‘

Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn’t suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move’

and

‘Faking orgasms. Just. Don’t. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he’s doing everything right. And if he doesn’t know its not working, he’s not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego’

So which one is it?

OK….. I won’t even go into it anymore. I mean if you wanted to do something that badly and she won’t and it bothers you that much, why are you still together? If you say you care how can you in all honesty demand something that you know she doesn’t enjoy? It makes men all sound like pigs and I’m pretty sure only 95% are (tee hee!).

50 Mistakes Men Make In Bed list sucked balls too because it was way too sugar coated. We know that women like to talk and communicate…OK…I get it! But seriously does a poor guy have to ask everything before he does it?

‘Expecting her to make love bottom up
Yes, we all enjoy rear entry. But she may be more self-conscious of her butt, she may feel like a sex object, and she may not like the rather impersonal nature of this position. If you really want to do it, and you explain to her why you like it so much (i.e. “It’s incredibly exciting to see your gorgeous bottom as we make love”, rather than “I get so turned on fucking from behind”) she’ll probably co-operate from time to time, even if it’s only on your birthday and hers.’

Hahhahaha! How stupid on so many levels is that? Sheesh! I love the use of the word ‘co-operate’ – it makes all women sound like sex is a major ordeal for them.

Does he have to make a massive effort every time you want to bump uglies? Is that what women all want? It’s bad to both men and women:

‘

If you’re one of that rarer breed of men who has trouble coming during intercourse, may we respectfully suggest you see a sexual therapist?’

How is that a problem? Weird a guy wrote it!

Less offensive and less aggressive but still. It assumes that women all want to be have gentle romantic sex. It makes women all sound needy and fragile and passive. Sorry to disappoint but that isn’t real life. It was hypocritical and mean to men too saying that women don’t have to shave but men should. Nobody needs to do anything! Nobody!

What’s worse is the reaction of women to Mistakes Women . Any comments I saw before the whole thing got spammed up with semi-clad women were basically ‘LOL. This is so true. Women should all read this and make it their bible’ – from both men and women. Women probably join to look cool and ‘OMG you’re so liberal’. Vaginas are vaginas worst enemies. I bet if we could, our vaginas would eat themselves. On the other page (50 Mistakes Men Make) everyone was just bitching about how wrong it is. The lists weren’t that different but the tone of the latter was by far less aggressive. It was kind of crappy though because it was written by a man, although way less offensive.

Anyways, I think these lists are stupid and although I toyed with the idea of melding the two together to possibly make something good I decided I couldn’t be bothered. When will people realise that although physically men and women are different, each person is their own. Just because someone has a penis does not make them a rapist and just because I have a have boobs doesn’t make them a moany bitch. Speaking for everyone is wrong and perpetuating stereotypes that should have died years ago. Communication and finding a compatible partner are more important than bending someone to your will. The fact that these lists even exist hurts my ever-shrinking faith in humanity.