Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

I don’t get it

I know nobody probably cares anyway but there are loads of things I just don’t get.  I just don’t understand and can’t get my head around.  And maybe I’m being a judgemental dick.  Who knows, eh?  Or maybe, just maybe, these are just completely alien concepts to me.  The posts have been serious and the internet is filled with darkness so I thought I’d try to lighten the mood somewhat before my posts get even more super serial.



So here goes:

  1. Non-alcoholic beer
  2. People making people dance at large social gatherings
  3. Couples putting their hands into back pockets on each other’s jeans
  4. Crotchless knickers
  5. Men making a point of saying they get off on giving women pleasure like it’s a fucking novelty or badge of honour
  6. Crocs
  7. Seinfeld
  8. The way make-up companies have yet to invent an eyeshadow that has an unbreakable lid on it, so as to avoid it exploding in your bag.
  9. People repeatedly pressing buttons on lifts and pedestrian crossings as if that will make anything happen faster.
  10. Fake tan.
  11. People repeating the same phrase over and over despite you not understanding it like you’ll suddenly get what they’re saying.
  12. How Nickelback are famous.
  13. People getting angry with you for you getting angry with them.
  14. How you’re supposed to be able to afford to live in Dublin.
  15. People who kiss with their eyes open.
  16. Why people give out to parents or give them scaldy looks when their children are crying.
  17. The concept of a soulmate.
  18. Why you’d do higher level maths for your Leaving Cert if you didn’t need it specifically.
  19. Gerry Ryan’s career.
  20. How many people think abortion is wrong but the morning after pill is OK.  Most pro-life rhetoric to be honest.  Or anything that includes a ‘grey area’.
  21. People who crap more than once a day.
  22. Vajazzling
  23. Socks and sandals
  24. The phrase ‘Monday week.’
  25. How that wall across the road from me was actually on fire one Halloween.
  26. A ‘nice’ family dinner.
  27. Why men don’t get more paternity leave.
  28. People being close to their grandparents.
  29. Inception.
  30. People sticking their tongues into ears in a ‘sexy’ way.
  31. How to dance
  32. How people can play instruments and remember so much stuff.
  33. Where people find the time for effective hair removal.
  34. Making promises you can’t keep.
  35. How to be sexy.  Even saying the word is so cringe.
  36. When people think they are as qualified as a doctor or psychologist to make a diagnosis.
  37. Why Murder She Wrote doesn’t have a bigger following.
  38. That light and sound move at different speeds.
  39. What catcalling ever achieved.
  40. Why people are either obsessed with or hate gingers and there doesn’t seem to be an in between.
  41. Why people get so angry calling somebody out on an unintentional remark, instead of simply correcting them and moving on.
  42. Soya milk in a hot beverage.
  43. Mushrooms.
  44. The appeal of cocaine.
  45. People actively being narky in the morning over the age of 20 because nobody likes getting up but cop on and stop taking it out on everyone else.
  46. Non-applicator tampons
  47. Why reality TV is the majority of programming these days.
  48. The fact that a walk in body and hair dryer has not been invented yet.
  49. Adam Sandler’s career after Happy Gilmore.
  50. Musicals.
  51. People not getting that you don’t want any more kids (or kids at all – too late whaaa!).
  52. Why Irish doctors don’t take pain seriously
  53. Anyone under the age of 25.
  54. Mindfulness
  55. How body positivity is conflated with ‘promoting obesity.’
  56. Buying chopped up vegetables.
  57. Unnecessary abbreviations.
  58. Foucault
  59. ‘Networking’
  60. Why people do that stupid duck beak thing with Pringles.
  61. What a tracker mortgage is.
  62. How addiction is a ‘disease’.
  63. Sun holidays.
  64. What ‘dabbing’ is.
  65. Not owning your mistakes.
  66. How the concept of ‘privilege’ makes people mad hostile.
  67. Comment sections of everything.
  68. How people don’t get we should be critical of everything and that critcising something that is generally a good thing is viewed as an attack – everything needs to be improved constantly!
  69. How other people function and get on with their lives.
  70. Why mental health issues are still stigmatised.
  71. Mean people.
  72. Houseshares.
  73. A world without hugs.
  74. Why it’s worse for a woman to piss in public.
  75. Why I always get caught pissing in public.

So as you can see I live my life in complete confusion.

Toodle pips.


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