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Fahckmylife's Blog
Crap adult, OK human.

#Metoo

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This post is probably going to land me in load of shit, but hey, I’m a woman on the internet so I can’t win anyway, right?  So fuck it – I might as well go all out, eh?

Anyway I’ve been thinking about the whole #metoo thing and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is actually a great and positive thing, no matter how hurtful or horrible it seems.  If you find yourself rolling your eyes going ‘goddamn we know’, ‘notallmen’, ‘feminazis’ or ‘what about when it happens to men’ I’m just going to be clear here – FUCK YOU!  Firstly, if you roll your eyes you don’t know because if you did that wouldn’t be your first response – how dare you discount the lived experience of a huge section of the population, perhaps because it makes you uncomfortable.  Yeah, being quiet has worked really well for enacting any kind of change.  Yeah, we also know it’s not all men but it’s enough that it makes our reality very different to yours, and if you’re not actively trying to shut down this misogynistic behaviour and calling your peers out, despite not actively taking part in this behaviour, cop on and be a good ally without expecting a cookie for human decency.  Yeah, we know it happens to men too, and yes that is shit as well, but it’s different and this isn’t about you.  Instead of bringing it up to derail the focus of the argument, how about you go sort out something about it yourselves and no doubt all the feminists will be supportive and listen to you then.

The purpose of the whole #metoo thing is to remove the stigma and shame surrounding sexual assault and harassment that women experience.  Women are constantly told to shut up about their experiences and not taken seriously.  I can tell you this from my own experiences (some of which I will list later) and from the experiences of others.  It is a difficult thing for us to talk about when the shame is so ingrained in us and our society and rapists, harassers and stalkers are removed from the equation leaving the onus on us.  We are expected to take groping as a compliment and catcalling as flattering – not intimidating or frightening.  We are expected to be quiet and take it.  The people rolling their eyes at this hashtag are saying as much as well.  Not that there is any shame in not sharing your experiences either – it’s not up to anybody to do this – but when people do do it people should listen and learn and not yet again tell women that their experiences are inconvenient and unimportant.  It is endemic and perhaps people don’t realise how much this is the case because it doesn’t directly affect them.  When we do talk we’re questioned and often left in a situation where no matter what we did we are at fault – ‘how much did you drink?’, ‘what were you wearing?’ and ‘where you not flattered?’, our arguments are derailed and we are made feel ashamed for what was done to us – so please take this on board, be quiet and try to be better people.

The onus should not have to be on us to bring this up.  Men shouldn’t be pulling this crap, but as we know entitled fuckers will just do this anyway.  They will never own up to their shit, so I am asking you now to look for toxic behaviour in your circles and tell people they are wrong.  We all know men listen to men more so just fucking do it.

For the women here I’m opening this up more than the hashtag, not to ‘play the victim’ because I’m not but to stand up and show I’m not ashamed of what other people have decided to do to me.  It’s a strange feeling when your body is no longer yours and becomes public property and you’re conditioned to feel scared or that you owe men things.  It’s terrible to have to hold car keys between your fingers walking through a group of men or ‘cover up’, and at this point in my life I’m pretty sure the next time it happens there will be a broken dick or bruised balls because my body is mine – not anyone else’s and I’m just angry now.  I am so fucking angry.

This is for everyone who has been told they ‘need a good dicking’, or received unsolicited dick pics, or were grabbed, groped poked or prodded.  For every lesbian that a man thought they could convert.  For every girl that had cried and decided against going to the police.  For anyone who has had their body taken away from them.  For anyone treated like an object to be dominated or treated like shit with no autonomy.  This is for my women who had been silence, intimidated, blamed and frightened.

Here is a list of some of my experiences which started very early in my life as I developed pretty young (bra at 9 or 10) to give you an idea.  I’ll spare details but it might be a bit upsetting.

 

Junkie hassled me for years on the bus from when I was about 10 blocking me into seats on the bus and asking me to marry him and whatnot.

My tits were grabbed outside my school when I was about 15 by some random boy.  I was asked ‘what did I do to make him do it’ and sent to counselling.  Nothing happened to him.

I was held firmly in position during sex when I was 15 despite my protests about it hurting until they finished the job.

Some asshole grabbed my arse when I was 19.  I told the bouncer.  Nothing happened.  In fact, I was laughed at.

Stared at by men when I was 10 when I wore little shorts that I liked because they made me think I was Sarah Conor in Terminator 2.

Vagina grabbed at some point each year since I was 15.

Erection rubbed off me in a pub at the bar when I was 23.  I couldn’t see who.

Man grabbed my arse when I was 28.  I chased him down the road and punched him.

A group of 4-5 guys aged between 18 and 23 had a bet on in work to see who’d fuck me. I was 17.

I was raped when I was 30 by someone I’d known and trusted for years.

When I was 18/19 a guy in my class in college stalked me, randomly turning up at places I worked, started fights on boyfriends and just generally made me very uncomfortable.

I recently received a series of around 20-30 anonymous phone calls in an hour from at least one man (I think there were more and I have a good idea who) in some kind of attempt to intimidate me.  They were lame and I guess of a sexual nature but they didn’t expect me to laugh and respond (I am a filthy bitch with a sailor’s mouth) or give them shit but I’m intrigued as to why my existence bothers them so much.

Repeated abusive and sexual messages to my business Facebook page.

Constant comments on my tits or the possibility of riding me.  Apparently these are compliments and my tattoos make me a ‘slut’.

When I was 31 I had to physically slap and push a man off me when I was drunk because he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and force him out of my flat.

Masturbated at bus stop by a cliched man in trench coat when I was 19.

Heard men clearly rating my physical appearance when I walked past them.

Pinned against fence by multiple drunk men when I was 32 until I slagged them off so much that they let me go.

Anger from certain partners when I didn’t want to have sex.

Told my a boyfriend’s friend that they were masturbating thinking about me.  I was never apologised to but my boyfriend was.

 

I’m not sad.  I’m not a victim.  I’m not a mess or unstable because of this.  This is my reality and I’ve adapted accordingly!  I’m angry and I’m getting to the point where if these things happen any more the person who does them will be lucky to have a face left.  I’m not ashamed any more – you can’t shut me up.  Silence has perpetuated this crap that’s let you get away with this shit for years.  We shouldn’t feel ashamed for what other people have done to us – surely they should be the ones ashamed but our society has told us to ‘shut the fuck up’ implying it is our fault.  We can’t treat dehumanising behaviour as acceptable any more.  I’m not doing that any more and if my experience makes you uncomfortable so be it – I’m telling the truth for myself and many many others.  I don’t even know what these  ‘men’ got out of most of these situations either, but hey if intimidating people that are physically weaker than you helps you jack it in your own bed of tears – just go watch some porn instead.  And nice dudes, seriously tell them to cop on – it’s ridiculous we have to even have this #metoo tag, because we are getting angrier and slowly but surely we’ll take matters into our own hands.

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4 Responses to “#Metoo”

  1. You’re my Hero! Thank you for writing this. Love xxx

  2. Fuck yes to this! So fucking good to get that shit out! And the fuck with anyone who’s got a fucking problem with it.

  3. Totally behind this! Great post! x


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